My darling Juniper,
Hot damn, you are good at cracking this old nut of mine. There were so many delightful observations to be found in your analysis, yet somehow, my main takeaway is this:
If I had one million dollars right now, I would literally blow every cent of it on financing a toilet-humor-themed Charlie Daniels parody band led by you.
I would regret nothing.
I’m peein’ on the midnight train to Georgia.
What was it like when I stayed in Georgia? I’ve thought a lot about this recently, as I’ve been ruminating over how much I’ve changed in the 4 1/2 years since then. It seems like so long ago already, and I truly feel like a different person.
At that time in my life, I was awkward and anxious and on the cusp of real adulthood. I was also really unsure of who I could be. I was out of my comfort zone, but that’s where I wanted to be.
I’ll never forget the first Friday I spent down there. A week had passed, and Kris and I went bar-hopping–you know, to get a real taste of what Savannah, GA, has to offer. At some point, we ended up in The Rail Pub slamming PBRs and Irish Breakfast shots. It was a moment of carefree inebriation and stunning clarity all in one, in which I realized that the next few months of my life could be whatever I wanted them to be.
So, yes, it was good. It was maturing and learning a lot about me. And it’s something I’m immensely grateful for.
This is where we get all cat’s-in-the-cradle.
Since then, I’ve grown a lot. My life has changed in a big way. Every month, I seemingly grow out of my former self a little more. It’s a lot like an old winter coat that no longer seems to fit, the kind that you’d stash somewhere in the basement (hey, wait a second…).
This also means that life is constantly growing busier. The calendar fills up fast. And of course I’d love to spend more time with my mom and sister but…
*Harry Chapin croons solemnly in the distance*
I know dreams are a place for metaphor, but maybe I should just take this one literally: it’s time to block off some more time for the three of us gals.
The kids are all wet.
Urinating is one way to relieve yourself, but not a direct translation for what you may be dealing with deep down.
Juniper Peppercorns, from the blog post just before this one
As I was reading through your analysis and jotting down notes, I picked up on this gem and simply scrawled, in all caps, “WOOF.”
I’m not sure if you know this about me, but I’m sort of really good at compartmentalization. Like, if it were an Olympic sport, I’d put Michael Phelps to shame. My face would be on a Wheaties box. Except they’d have to change the name to Weepies… you know, for obvious reasons.
I’m starting to feel that this dream is more about growing pains than anything else. Meditating on the distance between my current self and the child I once was (a person who is, in some ways, almost unrecognizable to me). Lamenting the constraints of a busy schedule and the lack of time with certain family members.
(That’s the Shame-Wow, isn’t it? Sidebar: I would pay a second lump sum of one million dollars to star in the infomercial for that Shark Tank-worthy product.)
But, hey, maybe it is time to pull the stopper and let go of that undue pressure I’m putting on myself.
“Ready, Able”
Why Grizzly Bear, you asked? That’s a good question. You know I love some good animal symbology, and I think that which you’ve provided is fitting: the bear teaches how to look inward for the tools for survival.
Isn’t growing up just learning what tools you have at your disposal and figuring out the best way to use them? Figuring out how to build something good for yourself?
You know, that reminds me this song that I really like…
// Five years, countless months and a loan
Hope I’m ready, able to make my own
Good home //
Thank you for unzipping me.
Love and smuckers,
Mackeltron